A few years back, I learn the keys to ending all my suffering once & for all.
A crazy statement, right, but it’s true. We create our own suffering. Many of us are even addicted to suffering & the associated drama. I was. I was actually addicted to the drama. The up & down brain chemicals become an addiction for us.
I know you can think of at least one & likely more whom identity is completely wrapped up in being the victim. They wear their suffering like a badge of honor. They speak with deep sighs. ” Hi, how are you”? Well, Drake, Sighhhhhh… not very good. My kids aren’t talking to me & I think I have some (fill in the blank) disease… Then they spend the next 20 minutes telling how life sucks & it is not their fault in any way. Life just seems to hate them. Sound like anyone you might know?
We create our own suffering by how we expect life to be rather than just letting it be what it is. It is the expectations that we create in our minds that lead us to disappointment. Life is not going to be all sunshine & roses. How boring would that be? Can you even imagine a life without challenges? How would I grow as a person? When you understand struggles are your friend, they cease to be your enemy & you begin to flow with challenges rather than let them blindside you & devastate you. Suffering is our teacher if we have the eyes to see & the ears to hear.
The most devastating things in my life were the things that taught me the greatest lessons & made the greatest changes in my life. I could have rolled over & wallowed, but had I done so, the lesson would have come back around until I would have learned it. It would create a cycle in my life, gradually getting worse until I face it. God/Universe loves you too much to let you sit in your own crap. Life’s goal is always onward & upward.
I was 50 yrs old & I realized I had never been in any kind of healthy relationship.
Here is an example many can relate to. I was dysfunctional & codependent in all my relationships. One day I found myself in the Granddaddy of all bad relationships. It was like every bad thing from every relationship wrapped into one. I finally took a long look at what the Universe was trying to tell me. I realized I was in the same relationship over & over, just a different face. Each relationship progressively got worse each time. I saw the cycle I was trapped in for the first time. The last one was so bad I had to take a look at myself, the one common denominator.
Why was I attracted to these kinds of people? Why were they attracted to me? I wouldn’t say I liked any of the answers I came up with but I found wisdom in my suffering. I dug deep & found the root of my pain & I have since healed it. I was 50 years old & had never been in a healthy relationship. I wonder how many have a similar story?
If I had been listening to my suffering, I could have figured this out decades ago, but I did not see the lesson. The beautiful lesson that now has changed my entire existence & set me free to love without fear. To give all of me to people who deserve me. I celebrate that person from the perfect storm relationship. I owe them a great debt. I can bless them & not carry any negative feelings for them. I love them because without them I would not be in this wonderful blissful state that I live in now.
If we don’t heal our trauma it will continue to create bigger & bigger drama in our lives & those that love us.
They set me free. Had they not been so horrible, I would never have woken from my blind dysfunctional Groundhog Days relationships.
Now when a challenge presents itself in my life. I don’t shy away. I ask the situation; “what can I learn & who can I help? How can I grow? We create addictions from the avoidance of pain. In our desperation not to feel the pain, we use something as a buffer—drugs, alcohol, food, sex, fill your blank—all of the above for me.
Pain is a part of life. It just is. To try to avoid pain creates suffering. Sure, some things we must do are unpleasant, but there are lessons of wisdom within them. We don’t really have good days or bad days. They are just days. It is our perspective, the label we attach to them, that makes them good or bad. When you have something in your morning, that throws you off & you feel that stress & anger rising. Stop & look at the situation with grace & chose not to let it ruin your day. It is the perspective you choose at that moment that will guide the momentum of your day. We are not slaves to our emotions but the masters of them.
I know you may say, well, you have this amazing life; of course, you don’t suffer.
Look, we all have challenges & we need them to grow us as people.
We are not slaves to our emotions but the masters of them.
When I learned this lesson, my life was not perfect. I was sick, really sick. I was dying, in fact. My world was imploding all around me. I was diagnosed with heavy metal poisioning, my organs were failing, and I was in the most insane relationship. There were weeks where I could barely get out of bed. The pain was so constant I prayed for death. I was tossed in jail for 30 days over that relationship. I was in an expensive custody battle. Not a perfect life at all, but in the moment that I came to understand that I caused my suffering by my expectation & they were here to free me. When I learned to flow with my lessons, peace came into my being & has never left.
Embrace the storms of life. They are here to wash away the poop in our lives, not to harm us.
Remember, what can I learn, who can I help, how can I grow when you’re in the middle of it Dear Ones.